so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
