I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize