im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
