Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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