I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
The air taste purple.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
