Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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