How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
