I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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