There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
