Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize