Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
