She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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