Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
