Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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