i wish my penis had a tongue
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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