The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
no you cant smoke seaweed
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
