That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
