He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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