Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
