in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
