allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
