Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Randomize
