dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
tell me about the eggs
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
