Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
