she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We left the knife in your bed.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
