i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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