I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize