white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
