I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
