This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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