I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize