The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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