Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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