Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
