I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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