Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
