I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I want to fling myself into the sun
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
