remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
