If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize