The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
