You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
