You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
