I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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