I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
