I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
