I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Oh god it's open bar.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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