i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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