Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
