when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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