i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize