life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
