i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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