There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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