So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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