I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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