It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
