I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
