my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
