Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
