I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize