dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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