I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
