I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
