im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
