well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
