I'm jealous of your bromance
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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