dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize