I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
