oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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