Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
