I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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