i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
