come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
