dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
