I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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