I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize