farters have to be the big spoon...
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
