Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
third nipple confirmed
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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