i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
