this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
