i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
