I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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