The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize