No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
