There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
