So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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