my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
