you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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