You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
