i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
