I wish I could punch you in the face.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
