I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
