I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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