I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
