I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
