I got chris browned last night
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize