Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
