I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
